On Thanksgiving Blogbatical!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! Will blog with you next week.

Can you hear me now?

Of all days, yesterday my husband left the house before I did. Usually I leave first and then he leaves to go work out. But NO! Yesterday he had to leave first.

I'm making the finishing touches of construction upon my face ( not even residential construction, INDUSTRIAL construction) Yeah, my face needs a lot of help to be in public.

I hear the front door open and then hubby's sweet little voice:

"Hey Hon, where's your cell phone?"

"It's in my purse."

"Ummm. I don't think so."

"Did I leave it in my car?"

"Nope. Come here. I want to show you something."

I leave the construction site (bathroom) to see what he is talking about. It is everything he can do to not burst out laughing.

I go to the front door and this is what I see:






Hey, at least I had a FULL CHARGE!!

Crying Dryly

I have a daughter that makes me laugh almost everyday! She is so awesome! Yesterday she called me crying. She was very frustrated because she was late for an interview because she was lost and couldn’t find the office. At first I couldn’t even understand what she was saying because she was so upset.

After we figured out what to do, in an effort to lighten the mood, I asked her if she had mascara running down her face now. She replied that she didn’t.

How can you cry with mascara without it smearing down your cheeks and smushed under your eyes?

(Not a real picture of daughter. Just a hired actor to play my daughter on my blog)

So I asked her “How come you don’t have smeared mascara?

Her reply? “ I was crying dryly!”

I started cracking up.

How in the world do you do that?

Santa Claus is NOT coming to town....but PAM is!!

Calling all Utah bloggers! Or visiting Utah bloggers!

Over Thanksgiving weekend, PAM is coming to Utah! Who's Pam you might ask? If you don't know, WHERE have YOU been?

This is the lady who has done humanitarian work in Africa. Come shake her hand that has served in a leper's colony in India. This is the lady who, yes and it IS TRUE!, was banned from Stake Girls Camp for causing too much havoc. The one, the only, GIGGLE THE RAPIST! (See her side blog)

Both Pam and I will be in Orem over Thanksgiving and we are SO excited because we are having LUNCH with Jodi/Redhoodoos and Creative Chaos/Binders!!

WANNA COME?

My Jail Time aka And now for the rest of the story aka The conclusion aka THE END!

“You need to come and get me RIGHT NOW!”
“Okay Deb, where are you?”
I told him that I was going to give the phone to the officer so he could give him directions on how to get to the police station.

I crawled back up on my bunk and waited for my boyfriend to come.

It took less time than I thought before I heard footsteps coming down the hallway again. The metal door creak opened and there stood my boyfriend. He walked over to my bunk and as serious as a heart attack, he said:

“Well Deb….. they posted your bail at $30.00 - OR - one “YES" answer. He then pulled a ring box from his pocket and opened it up to present my diamond engagement ring to me!! And since I only had 23 cents in my wallet, I said YES!!!

Obviously he had arranged the whole thing. He was parked down the street when the officer came to my door. When I got to the police station, he was taken upstairs and watched me get frisked over a surveillance video camera. When I told the officer what my boyfriends phone number was, he just dialed the number of the office upstairs where my now “fiancée” was. He was holding the key to my cell in his hot little hands when I had called him to let him know that I was in jail.

IS THAT A GREAT ENGAGEMENT STORY OR WHAT?

My hubby is SO DANG FUN! We have been married almost 29 years and still going strong. He reminds me of David in the movie “Legacy” when he tells Eliza that he doesn’t have much to offer her but his two hands and that he promises to make her laugh everyday. My hubby makes me laugh everyday! We have so much fun together!

So in this month of November where we should remember what we are thankful for, I am extremely grateful for my husband.

P.S. I have gotten GREAT enjoyment out of the "Jerk", "Creep" and "Hope you dumped the dude" comments! So has hubby. No Apologies Needed!!

My Jail Time (Part 3)

As I was escorted down the hallway of the jail, I looked at the other people who were in the cells. They had had a drug bust that night and every single jail cell had someone in it.

For some reason, I don’t think they were very happy to be there, because as we passed, they started calling the officers some not very nice names, which just added to my terrifiedness. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me!

The officers soon realized that there wasn’t a free cell to put me in and so they made the decision to put me into a solitary confinement cell. That scared the absolute living daylights out of me but would much rather be there than in one of those cells with those delightful, mature, cultured, well-mannered and well-spoken drug abusers. Just in case you couldn’t tell, that was sarcasm people. I doubt Martha Stewart ever saw the kind of conditions that I saw!

As I was introduced to my warm, comfy room scented with cinnamon (sarcasm again) I looked around at my surroundings. There were two bunk beds folded down from the wall and a small sink. The roomed was metal and painted an off-white color. Scratched into the paint were foul words and obscenities that weren’t very complimentary to our justice system or towards the police. In the door was a slot with a flap, kinda like a mail slot that you would find in an older home.

I crawled up on to the top bunk, leaned against the wall and hugged my knees. The officer told me that he was going to process my paperwork and that he would be back in a while. As I sat there, I kept telling myself not to cry. “Debbie, you are no longer a little girl, you need to be mature about this. Act like an adult because you are an adult, right? Waaa…..I don’t want to be an adult!! “ Some tears began to roll down my cheeks.

After what seemed like an eternity, I could hear footsteps coming down the hall. The flap in the mail slot opened and an officer handed me the receiver of a phone. (this was the age of dinosaurs and there was no such thing as a cell phone)

I got off my bunk bed and went over to the door and took the phone. The officer told me that I could make one phone call and who did I want to call?

MY DAD, MY DAD, MY DAD!! My Dad and I were very, very close and he was my knight in shining armor so I told the officer that I wanted to call my dad and my boyfriend. Then he wanted to know which one I wanted to call first. Even though every fibre of my being was screaming to call my dad, he WAS thousands of miles away and probably couldn’t be much help , so I decided that my one phone call would be to my boyfriend.

Now remember, that the officer is on one side of the door holding the phone and I am on the other side of the door holding the receiver with the cord coming through the mail slot. He asked me what my boyfriends number was and he dialed the phone. I was huddled up next to this metal door and held the receiver to my ear.

It was now VERY late at night and I was so relieved to hear my boyfriend’s voice on the other end.

With my chin quivering (still trying not to cry) in my most mature voice, I told him that I was in jail.

“JAIL?? What are you doing in JAIL?”

“I didn’t register my car and this police officer came and put me in a car and took me to jail and I’m in this cell and you need to come and get me RIGHT NOW!” (breathe out)

“Geez Debbie, Johnny Carson is on right now. I’ll come and get you when it’s over.”

“WHAT???”

~TO BE CONTINUED~

Jail Time Continued

“You have a warrant for my arrest?”
“Yes Ma’am”
“For WHAT?”
“Are you new to the state Ma’am?”
“Yes”
“Have you been here over 30 days?”
“Yes”
“Have you been working for more than 30 days?”
“Yes”
“Have you registered your vehicle in the state of Texas?”
“No”
“Well, in the state of Texas, it is mandatory that you register your vehicle within 30 days. Your employer has reported earnings for you and the state knows that you are here. I’m sorry but you will have to come down to the station with me.”

I looked past the officer and see his police car parked against the curb of my street. It’s beginning to dawn on me that he is serious.

Remember that it is fairly late at night and I am in my robe. The officer kindly let me change into some clothes, I grabbed my purse and was escorted to the back seat of the police car. I was scared to death and was SO relieved that he didn’t put handcuffs on me.

I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. Here I was a very young 20 year old girl, I was VERY far from home and I wanted my DADDY!!!

I was taken to the Mesquite County Jail. My coat was removed, they took my purse and emptied out my wallet to inventory my belongings. I had 23 cents on me.

They had a lady sergeant come to the front office and made me put my hands on the counter and spread my legs while she frisked me. I was fingerprinted and photographed.

Now it was time to take me to my cell.

~TO BE CONTINUED~

My jail time

1979, Provo, Utah and I needed a job. I was walking through the University Mall and remembered that I had seen a job advertised for the Keepsake Jewelry Store. I wasn't prepared for an interview but decided to stop in and at least get an application.

Holy Moly! The guy working behind the counter was adorable! Dark hair, hazel eyes, dark mustache. Hubba hubba!! Boy was I glad that I stopped in. I only wanted an application but he ended up interviewing me anyway.

When I got home, I told my roommates that I didn't care if I got the job, but I definitely was going back to flirt with this guy. Before I could do that however, he called me!!! He pilfered my phone number from my application and called and wanted to know if I would like to go to Cascade Springs. I was from California and I didn't know where the sam hill Cascade Springs was, but who cared?? HE CALLED ME!

After that first date, we saw each other every single night and things were starting to get serious.

After about a month, he dropped a bomb on me. Keepsake Jewelry wanted him to transfer to a store in Texas!! Panic! I was really falling for this guy...what was I going to do with him being in TEXAS?!?

Little did I know that he had plans. Plans that I would move to Texas too. Which I did. He rented an apartment for himself and found me a house with a single mom who needed extra money and was renting out a room.

Thinking back on it now, I can't believe that my parents let me go. I would NEVER have let my kids do that!!

So we moved to Texas. He started working at the jewelry store and I found a job as a receptionist at a photography studio.

About a month had passed and I was home alone. It was late at night, my roommate and her son were gone for the weekend and I was watching tv in my comfy robe.

I heard a knock on the door. With it being late at night, I hesitated in opening the door. But when I did, there was a police officer on the other side.

"Is your name Debbie _____?"
"Yes"
"Is your social security number xxx-xx-4978?
"Yes"

"I'm sorry Ma'am, but I have a warrant for your arrest. You'll need to come with me."

~TO BE CONTINUED ~

Squee Dunks and Punky Doo?

When my knight in shining armor and I were first married, we lived in a four plex that had two other young couples. It was great fun. We would get together after work and eat dinner together and play games. It really was a great situation.

One of the couples that were also newly married called each other Squee Dunks and Punky Doo. My hubby and I couldn't believe it. How mushy, how gushy, how disgusting could you get?

As a joke, we started calling each other those names. In secret of course, never in front of the other couple.
When we did it, it was because we were being SARCASTIC, we did it because we were MAKING FUN OF THE OTHER COUPLE!

We would never REALLY call each other a pukey name like that!

Well that was 28 years ago, and IT STUCK and

WE STILL CALL EACH

OTHER THOSE NAMES!!!

I don't even think about it now and sometimes I will slip
and say "Punkie Doo" IN PUBLIC!!

Ewwwww!!

I'm sure when people hear that, that they think we are DISGUSTING!!!

So what pet name do you call your wife/husband? Do you have an itty, bitty, wittle POOPSIE??

Let's hear it!

Toothpaste Challenged

I am seriously challenged at brushing my teeth. I have this drip that happens EVERY DAY on the left side of my face. NOT the right side, ONLY the left.

People on TV NEVER look like this. (I am not a real toothbrusher, I just play one on TV)

A Brooke Shields, I am not.

HAIR REMOVAL! A must read

Hair Removal....

This is funny. (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but... WHAT A HOOT!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

Read on...

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours, "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits.

No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to
figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together.

Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!

Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!!

Blinded from pain!!!!....

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe............

OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy -a wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.

I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!

I touch.

I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet?

I know I need to do something.

So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut!

My butt is sealed shut.

Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself :

"Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should

melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub -

The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.

It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.

I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!!

I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor .

Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY STARS !!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

"IT WORKS !!!

It works !!! " I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...

ABC! It's easy as 1,2,3!

I know that there are those out there who don't enjoy tags, but I seriously do. Usually because I REALLY learn something about the person who got tagged. I LOVE reading tags!! A big shout out to BeckaBabe for her ABC tag! Here goes:

A- Attached or Single? Extremely attached. I would not be able to breath without my eternal companion.

B- Best Friend? My two Sistah's!! We have the same sense of humor, we talk the same (we have even fooled each other's husbands!) and we definitely LAUGH the same! Our kids love it when we get together and they hear all three of their moms laughing!

C- Cake or Pie? What is Cheesecake? Cake or Pie?

D- Day of Choice? No doubt about it. Sunday! A day of rest. Ahhh..........

E- Essential Items? MASCARA! I rarely leave home without it. Mary Kay all the way!!

F- Favorite color? The green grass of my lawn, green pine trees and green M&M's!! Yowzers!

G- Gummy Bears or Worms? Bears but only the white ones. No green. I know, I know, I just said that I like green. The white ones are pineapple...YUM!

H- Long Beach, CA!!! Wahoo for Southern Calif!! Total beach babe while growing up, like fer sure. Hang ten teeshirts were the bomb. Surf's up DUDE!

I- Favorite Indulgence? Buying clothes for my kids. I CAN'T NOT DO IT! My youngest is 20 and even though the budget might be tight, I can't not buy them something that they think is SO CUTE MOM!!!

J- January or July? July. Love warm summer nights.

K- Kids? Three AND I MISS THEM DEARLY!! An empty nest is for the birds!!

L- Life isn't complete without? Phone calls from my daughters, emails from my missionary son and hugs from my hubby

M- Marriage date? Feb 7. Thought about getting married on Valentine's Day but thought that would be too cheezy.

N- Number of Brothers & Sisters? Two. See Letter B!

O- Oranges or Apples? Apples

P- Phobias and Fears? I am a cancer survivor and my greatest fear to is die a lingering and painful death. When it's my time, I want to get hit by a truck! lol

Q- Quiet time, what do you like to do? Read scriptures and playing on my laptop. It is so therapeutic to me. Blogging of course!

R- Reason to smile? Blog comments, chocolate, George of the Jungle and Rocket Man videos and my primary kids.

S- Season of choice? Definitely fall! I live at 6000 feet and I love the cool, crisp mornings, warm days and cool nights. The Best!!

T- Ticklish? Oh yeah! Our family has a tradition of trying to write on the bottom of each other's foot with a ballpoint pen! It's a killer!

U- Unknown fact about me. Before I was married, I once told a group of people that I was a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader and they believed me. I know, not great, but that's all I could think of!

V- Vegetable? I love veggies more than fruit except for ..........? Those who know me will know that I HATE TOMATOES! Bleck!!

W- Worst Habit? Cracking my thumb knuckle.

X- X-ray or Ultrasound? Seriously I have so many of both that I glow in the dark.

Y- Your favorite food? Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

Z- Zodiac sign? Leo. "The typical Leo is flamboyant and generous with tremendous charm and a magnanimous spirit." So true...what can I say?


I now tag my sister CookingSherri!

Jury Duty Joke

About a month ago, I received a jury summons for my youngest daughter who is attending college in Utah. I responded to the summons by telling them that she no longer is a resident of the state of California.

About a week and a half later I received the court's response: Your request for excusal for jury duty has BEEN DENIED. On the very same day that I received this response, I received a jury summons for my son who is serving in Brazil. I mailed the summons back stating that he is not a resident of the COUNTRY.

A few days ago, I received the court's response: Your request for excusal for jury duty has BEEN DENIED.

The Light, It Calls Me Home

I was cleaning out a drawer the other day and I came across a poem that one of my daughters wrote when she was in high school. It touched me now as it touched me then.

The Light, It Calls Me Home
Alone I sail through mist and rain
Not knowing where I go.
I want to let the wheel down
But something tells me no.
It seems I'm sailing blindly
No matter where I roam
Then brightness flickers up ahead
The Light, it calls me home

I keep my eyes upon it
As I sail through the dark
The waves, they try my gaze to drift
The Light is now a spark
But as I push the waves aside
I know I'm not alone
For up ahead, it leads me now
The Light, it calls me home

Then as my ship gets closer
A storm begins to rage
It pleads to me, don't follow
The Light that's been my gauge
And as I sail unwavering
I hear a peaceful tone
The Light has calmed the waters
The Light, that calls me Home

Now as I trudge on through the storm
Following the Light
My Savior stands beside me
A guide in day and night
And as I learn to follow
His every stepping stone
I feel His love surround me
As He helps me make it Home.